The Only Sound That Matters

The Only Sound That Matters

Samantha Wolfe

His lungs burned. Every exhale Shane took felt like razors were climbing their way up his windpipe. Every inhale granted gravity permission to drag the razors back down. It was a cycle of constant pain caused by the cold air. The kind that ruthlessly stole the moisture from the air and replaced it with a heavy blanket of weariness. Exhale. Inhale. Left foot. Right foot. The sequence of his running felt backward. Shouldn't it be right foot then left foot? The more he thought about it, the more he realized it didn't truly matter. The result was still the same. The effect was still pain. Why did this run hurt so much?

As Shane's legs kept driving him further into the woods, he noticed for the first time where he was. He ran these woods many times before, but something felt different. The light wasn't shining through the branches in the right direction. The sun always rose from the east and fell into the west. It was the earth's rotation that kept everything in place. It was nature's law. The only way it was allowed to be. But today, the sun rose from the north, sunbeams shredding through the woods and reflecting off the snow, nearly blinding him. Or was that the pain again?

The snow. Shane couldn't remember there being snow before then. He couldn't even remember when he started running, just that he was. Left foot. Right foot. Exhale. Inhale.

⁎ ⁂ ⁎

Jade sat in the hospital's waiting room, watching other people's children as they played with the wooden bead maze in the corner. She remembered when she was young and innocent, playing with the same toy that every doctor's office felt required to own. The toy was the perfect distraction for young minds from real-life chaos. One child twisted a blue bead up the white wire while another child challenged it with a red bead in the opposite direction, eventually causing both beads to collide. That was how Jade felt when she received the call from the New Hampshire police department that morning. She was the blue bead, calm and collected, and the news coming down the line was the red bead, a collision that caused her world to come to a crashing halt.

She remembered sitting in her bed, watching TV while drinking her morning coffee. She noticed her cell phone ring with the unfamiliar area code, but she always picked up unknown numbers whenever Shane was gone in case his phone got damaged. When she answered, though, it wasn't Shane. The officer, she couldn't remember his name, told her Shane was found approximately 1,000 feet from the top of Mount Washington. They told her he had reached the peak and was making his way back down when he slipped on a loose rock and hit his head. This setback stopped him from getting to safety before the snowstorm hit. She was dressed, out the door, and making her way to him on a two-and-a-half-hour flight from Charlotte to Manchester.

Mount Washington is known for being the deadliest mountain to hike in the United States, but she trusted in his abilities to make it up the 6,200-foot incline. When they met three years ago, he was coming back home from conquering Mount Elbrus in Russia with his friend, Matthew, so this trek wasn't anything to be nervous about. He hiked, ran, biked, did everything with more caution and respect to sports than anyone else she ever met. She was worried, though. Matthew died about two months ago from a car accident, and Shane was having a hard time grasping the idea that Matthew was gone. He would get frustrated that out of everything they experienced together, ever wonderful, adrenaline-filled adventure, a distracted driver was what took him down. She knew he needed this trip. It was his closure. So, anxiously Jade waved goodbye at the airport while her boyfriend journeyed towards his seventh mountain that year, and the first one without Matthew.

"Ms. Watson?" said the doctor.

"That's me," said Jade standing up from the gray pleather covered hospital chair. She left the children's innocence in the corner with the beads and walked towards the doctor, expecting the worst.

"Shane has suffered severe hypothermia and a concussion," said the doctor.

"What does that mean exactly?" asked Jade. She was having difficulty maintaining eye contact with the doctor because she was scared to lose the one ounce of emotional self-control she had left. Instead, she studied his name badge. It revealed his name to be Dr. William Stone, M.D.

"In terms of hypothermia, his core body temperature fell between 82-85 degrees when he was found. His pulse, breathing, and blood pressure are slowing increasing back to a normal rate, but he is still in critical condition." Dr. Stone assessed Jade's reaction before continuing. "I am still in the long process of reheating his body and will send him in for an MRI soon to see if the lack of oxygen to his brain or the concussion has caused any brain damage. I will be able to tell you more after we receive the results."

"Okay," was all she could muster out before her lips began to tremble. Jade felt the rush of liquid start to form in her eyes, and before she could stop them, tears spilled over and glided down her cheek. She pretended to sweep her brown bangs away from her eyes when she wiped the tears before they could temporarily mark her sweater. She sensed what she assumed was pity from the doctor and heard him say something about Shane still being unconscious, but she could see him if she wished.

Jade followed the doctor down the hallway of pale blue and white tiles that formed a no-nonsense pattern of calmness. She counted each tile as it passed, 28 white and 10 blue, until she found herself in front of room 320 labeled for patient Shane Tucker.

⁎ ⁂ ⁎

Shane was still running. Left foot. Right foot. Exhale. Inhale. How many minutes had he been keeping this motion going? It felt more like hours, but these woods weren't big enough to run in for hours. The stream that followed part of the trail should only have lasted for maybe a quarter of a mile, but it kept going. And going. The freezing water competed against the motion of his legs, one foot at a time. A non-stop flow of gurgles and bubbles slipping over mossy rocks and the occasional broken branch stuck in-between its chosen slab of earth. The water was clear, lacking any imperfections as it swept away specks of snow that found its way towards the stream, becoming a part of the water's body.

His lungs weren't hurting anymore, but the rest of his body was. His skin felt like a blanket of fire was wrapping itself around him, dancing in and out of his pores. Hot stove coils were unraveling their way through his calves, ripping his muscles apart. Left foot. Right foot. Exhale. Inhale.

⁎ ⁂ ⁎

Jade sat in a chair next to Shane's bed holding his hand and watching him breathe. She observed his face: his chiseled jaw that she would run her fingers over sometimes, just a bit of scruff on his upper lip, chin, and cheeks from his lack of shaving, and a couple of scrapes on his forehead she was sure was from the wild brush that he walked through on his way up the mountain. His lips were paler than she remembered and scarred from continually biting them. Jade reached out to brush her fingertips over them and felt how cold they really were. She looked at his dark hair. It was always messy from running his hands through it the right way, just the way she liked it, but she noted that this was different. Instead, it was wild. The matting from the snow and the whipping from the wind caused chaos to ensue. Shane looked like he walked through hell on his way back to earth.

All Jade wanted was to see his hazel eyes looking back at her. She wanted to hear him say her name again, to tell her what he saw when he looked out from the peak, how it felt to conquer another of nature's skyscrapers. She wanted to do their usual ritual when he returned from a trip. They would make dinner, whatever Shane wanted, which was usually either meatloaf or chili, and Jade would make a simple dessert to share afterward. They'd sit at the kitchen table eating, and she would listen to him tell his story. She'd hang on every word and smile at the animated way Shane told his tales, hands flying everywhere to exaggerate the story.

According to the doctor, he wasn't in a coma, just sleeping. He looked so calm as he slept that Jade wondered what he was dreaming about, if he was capable of dreaming at all at that moment. If he could, she hoped that his dream would give him peace, and he couldn't feel the pain that his body was putting him through. She gave his hand a small squeeze before falling asleep in her chair.

⁎ ⁂ ⁎

This was getting ridiculous. The trail needed to end at some point because Shane couldn't possibly keep running. The sun looked to be nearly above his head now, and the snow was slowly melting, causing the stream to rise and become louder as it pressed on towards an endless cycle of movement.

"You know, you can stop running at any time," said a voice. Shane looked to his left and saw his best friend, Matthew, running with him. How long had Matthew been there? Shane swore up and down that he was out here running by himself. "You don't have to run," Matthew said.

"What are you saying? I should walk?" asked Shane.

"Walk. Bike. Surf down the stream. Whatever gets you to the finish line, man," said Matthew, all while keeping pace with Shane.

Shane felt a shift. He was still moving forward, but now his arms no longer required the back-and-forth movement. Instead, they held on to handlebars that were attached to a red mountain bike. The color stood out next to the snow that was still holding on to its existence. The wheels rustled over slush-covered leaves, flattening them deeper into the soggy ground. His legs cycled, feet pushing down on the pedals to keep him moving forward while his calves continued to burn. Matthew was still next to him, but now he was on a blue bike, keeping the same pace as Shane.

In the distance, Shane saw the movement of a black streak flying through the woods. It landed on a tree branch a quarter of a mile ahead of Shane and Matthew, and as they rode closer to the streak, Shane recognized it was a crow. They stopped riding when they reached the bird. Matthew said nothing; he acted more like a presence within a dream and stared at the bird with curiosity.

Shane noted that the stream finally came to an end ahead of him. The water rushed under the ground taking the burbling noise with it. That wasn't right, though. Water can't sweep away a noise under the earth that was supposed to be continuous. Shane couldn't hear anything but his own breathing, not even Matthew's. Shane considered his day. The sun rising from the north. The feeling of running and breathing out of sequence and off-balance. The continuing path that followed next to an endless stream. Matthew appearing out of thin air. The pain. The running. So much running. Something was wrong.

The crow looked at Shane. Its beady eyes attached to its tilted head tried to tell him something he couldn't understand. Then the bird's mouth opened to reveal a noise. Over and over, the beak opened, and a repetitive sound came out. It didn't mirror the caw of a crow, though. It was a dual thumping sound. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.

Once more, the crow opened its beak to make a sound, but this time nothing came out. Silence. The crow's beak stayed opened, eyes staring at Shane, giving him one last warning of what was to come.

⁎ ⁂ ⁎

Jade awoke from her nap in a panic when she heard the sound. Shane's heartbeat went from a normal, regulated pulse to nothing. He was flatlining. Dying. Nurses ran swiftly into the room, and Jade found herself moved from the chair and pushed out of the way into the corner. They didn't have time to guide her out of the room completely. When the first doctor ran in, rapid-fire orders were called out, but she couldn't hear anything of it, just the flatline. The neverending beep without the hint of a break coming in. Everything moved so fast, but all she could do was watch the action unfold in front of her. Jade couldn't take her eyes off Shane. Every time the doctor placed the paddles onto the pads attached to his chest and pressed the button, his body responded to the electrical shock when it pulsated to his heart. She saw his back arch and fall back down, his head and neck moving with the shockwave.

Jade watched the doctors and nurses try to bring him back. She didn't dare blink. She didn't dare breathe. She allowed the tears to fall this time. How long could he survive without blood pumping through the body, without his lungs inhaling and exhaling oxygen?

⁎ ⁂ ⁎

The earth stood still as the crow continued to stare directly at Shane, never blinking. He suddenly felt cold again. Was it because he stopped pedaling his bike? Because he stopped moving, so the blood stopped quickly pumping through his body for warmth? He realized then that everything stopped. The sounds from the water and the crow stopped. The dripping of the snow from the trees stopped. Even time felt like it stopped. The only thing moving was the sun as it set in the south, creating an unnerving effect on him that he couldn't quite place. Matthew was still next to him and quiet as ever. He couldn't remember the last time his friend spoke. Usually, he was the conversationalist of the friend group, but today, he gave off an ominous air that directed itself at Shane.

"Why are you here if you aren't going to talk to me?" Shane asked.

"You brought me here," said Matthew. Shane was taken aback. When did he bring Matthew here? Hell, when did he bring himself here? All he remembered was running and pain. His head suddenly hurt—a shock of pain, like a blow from one temple to the other. The throbbing felt like his brain was hitting the back of his skull, trying to burst through but then springing off to slam into his eyes. With both of his hands lifting off the bike's handlebars to cradle his head, he twisted his face in agonizing pain.

"You need to make a decision, Shane," said Matthew staring straight ahead at the crow. "You don't have much time left."

"What decision?" asked Shane through gritted teeth. Then a shockwave struck him like lightning and shook his body. It felt like an anvil was dropped on his chest. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move.

"You need to make a decision. Either stay or continue down the path to leave. Walk. Run. Bike. Just keep moving," said Matthew.

"I don't understand." Shane felt another wave of electricity shoot through him that dropped him to his knees, palms holding his temples while his fingers gripped the rest of his skull.

"Your heart stopped. You need to keep going to make it beat again. Follow the trail past the end of the stream and the crow," explained Matthew. "If you don't, you will die."

Realization crashed down on Shane as another surge of voltage ran through him. The crow. The thumping sound he heard earlier wasn't from the bird. The sound was from him, from his heart. The bird was merely the amplifier. When it stopped, his heart stopped. He wasn't ready to die. Using the small amount of strength Shane had left, he picked himself off the ground holding the closest tree branch he could find. His bike was gone. He would have to go on foot.

"Walk with me until the end?" he asked Matthew.

"That's what I'm here for," Matthew replied.

Each step felt like a thousand blades piercing his body, running up his legs, and tearing themselves back down. This was the same warning his lungs gave him earlier, but he didn't listen. Shane was listening now. All he needed to do was pass where the water fell into the ground like a silent waterfall and pass the bird who still stared at Shane with its beak open. Shane wanted to hear his heartbeat project out of the bird one more time. He wanted the noise to fill the woods once again. It was the only sound that mattered.

The biggest shock yet hit him square in the chest, and he felt the vibration run down to his feet and back up his spine. He was only feet away from making it out of this nightmare alive. Left foot. Right foot. Exhale. Inhale. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

⁎ ⁂ ⁎

After a minute and a half before Shane's heart started to beat again and another couple of hours later, Jade was in her chair watching Shane breathe once again. Everything was quiet except for the heart monitor beeping at the only pace she was comfortable with. Dr. Stone said that his vitals looked good, and he couldn't see any damaging effects from the cardiac arrest. After that, she heard something about his brain scan coming back normal, but they would have to wait until he woke up to make sure there weren't any other side effects. By that point, though, she was too exhausted to truly focus.

While counting the IV drips to figure out the liquid's flow rate, Jade heard a stir come from the bed. Shane's feet were slowly moving as if he was trying to walk. It stopped just as quickly as it started, but then his eyes moved as he took a deep breath. Jade swiftly removed herself from the chair and stood in Shane's line of sight, so she would be the first thing he would see. Hazel eyes met green eyes, and he cracked a weak smile. Jade couldn't stop herself from tearing up again. He was awake.

"How are you feeling?" Jade asked, reaching to move some of the wild hair out of his eyes.

"My head is killing me," said Shane. He raised his hands to his temples when he noticed the IV stuck into the back of his right hand, and the hospital bracelet wrapped around his left one. "And I'm in the hospital. What happened?"

"You fell coming down the mountain, hit your head, and got stuck in a snowstorm," said Jade while pressing the button to call for a nurse. When the nurse came, she was followed by Dr. Stone doing his rounds for the evenings. While discussing with Shane the extent of his injuries, Jade noticed how calm Shane was staying during the conversation, even after finding out that he was resuscitated.

"You're lucky. The cardiac arrest was from the hypothermia and your body going back up to normal temperatures. We've been monitoring your heart rate and blood pressure since then, and it seems like everything is back on track," stated Dr. Stone. He then discussed how the MRI scan came back normal, so they shouldn't foresee any issues concerning brain damage. If all went well in the next 48 hours, Dr. Stone felt good about releasing Shane. He wouldn't be able to fly for two weeks, though, so they would have to rent a car to drive back to North Carolina.

The room fell silent for a minute after Dr. Stone left.

"You okay? You don't seem very panicked about being here," Jade calmly asked. She didn't want to upset him in case he was still trying to process the news.

"I knew it was happening in the moment," he said, turning his head to look at Jade. He still had a headache, but the small amount of painkillers he could take was helping to subside it. He saw that Jade wasn't sure how to respond. "I was running in the woods. I felt the electricity pumping to my heart and realized I was dying. It sucked, by the way. Felt like I got donkey-kicked in the chest." He chuckled at his joke. Seeing he was starting to feel like his old self again, Jade sat down in the chair she deemed hers.

"I was in the room when it happened. All I could do was get out of the way," she said.

"I'm sorry," Shane said turning to Jade. "I truly don't know how it happened. I was careful. I watched every step. I don't remember how I fell, but hell, I'm sorry I put you through that."

"You said you knew you were dying?" asked Jade. She wanted to change the direction of the conversation away from Shane's feeling of remorse. What mattered was that he was okay now.

"Yeah, I guess I was dreaming. I was running. Just running forever. Then I was on a bike. I guess I wasn't going fast enough. And Matthew was there, moving with me. I felt the shockwaves and my head hurt, but he pulled me out of it," Shane said.

"He always had a way of showing up when he was most needed," Jade said with a small smile. She held Shane's hand while the room's fluorescent lights shined on them, and Shane fell back asleep to rest. They could talk about it later.