Good to Sea

Last night I had a dream.

I was not at sea. The air was not cold and cruel. The ground beneath my feet did not sway. And best of all I got to see your face.

We were at the coast. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. The sand was soft and provided a comforting warmth. It was white and almost blinding. The sun shone but did not harm the eyes, nor did it provide a stifling heat. The air was crisp and lacked the salt of the nearby sea. The sky was a pure blue like out of a painting you’d have drawn. A few lazy clouds streaked above.

The ocean reflected the perfect sky. Hand in hand we walked from the sand to the water. For an everlasting moment, we stood while the sea lapped at our feet. The water was lovely, more pleasant than a warm shower. The waves were nothing like those I see in the waking world. They lovingly grasped our ankles, with no malice in their back-and-forth shows of affection.

Without speaking, we turned to face the shore. Then we walked from sand to soil. Beyond the coast was a vast green expanse. A gentle fog some miles away prevented me from seeing anything other than verdant hills. The grass was softer than silk and eased any weariness I had. The sight of such a landscape, the sound of waves to my back. If I had the choice, I would have never left. Perfect sights and sounds, all with you there.

But we did not tarry in the grass.

To our left, the land climbed further and further away from the ground. A cliff, half as high as a mountain. There was moss growing on the rocks. Without thinking, we began to walk up the cliffside. I felt no strain or exhaustion, it was as if I was gliding over the surface instead of traipsing upon it. The only sensation was that of your hand clasped tightly in mine.

Soft and warm.

After some time we reached the top. If the view at the bottom was eye-catching, the view at the top could only be described as soul-catching. The coast, the sea, the sky, the grass, and the clouds. All that beauty…

I smiled and felt free.

Then I looked at your face.

Your eyes were not filled with the sights all around. You were simply staring at me, eyes filled with tears.

Those big brown eyes. More soothing than Dramamine. Little freckles around your eyes and nose. Your brown, curly hair; wild and free. You have the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen, but I did not get to see it. You were wearing my favorite hoodie, coincidentally also your favorite hoodie. You were such a sight. Though I shouldn’t be too shocked, you always are.

“What’s wrong dear?”

“You haven’t come home yet”

“Don’t worry, I will. I always will.”

“No, you won’t.”

I hugged you and held you for as long as I could. Maybe if I held you for long enough I could calm and convince you. I would make my way back to you if I had to swim every mile between us. Around me were the most beautiful sights and sounds, but all I could hear and see was you. The softness of your hair, your strong heartbeat, the smell of your perfume, and the warmth that only you can provide.

Slowly the rest of the world faded away. No longer did I feel the wind or the soft sunlight. I did not hear the waves below, and all I could see and feel was you.

Then you faded as well.

I awoke painfully. I was not in an idyllic landscape and you were not there. My heart was ice and my lungs refused to move. I felt as though I had been plunged into the cold depths below.

But no, I was back on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I sat up and greeted the familiar sights and sounds of the sea. The metal swayed beneath my feet. I heard the complaining of the other crew members. The waves struck against the hull maliciously. The air was cold and cruel.

It hurt so much, to go from everything I wanted, to everything I’ve come to despise.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep soundly for a while.

Still, it was good to see you.